ADDICT

Slowly killing me inside. Slowly taking over my soul. Your hypnotizing smile ruins me. Your exotic slanted eye makes me melt. Your aura, the way you move, the sound of your lunatic voice, the loud foot steps when you walk with your big black shoes and your dark skin, it hypnotized me. Driving me in this insanity. I'm drowning in the thoughts of you. Lost in. this insanity and trying to got a hold of something. This poison of mine is getting bigger and stronger. Nothing can heal this poison of mine. What is this?

My eyes can only see you. My heart beats just for you. My lips automatically smile when you're around. My mind thinks just only you. A feeling of desperate appear when you're with another girl. My cheek blushed when you're around. I'm nervous and i sweat when you're around. i'm desperate and hopeless when you're not around. Everything is just so wrong. I don't feel safe whether you're around or when you're not around. My hand is tempted to hold your hand. Holding your hand and feel the texture of your skin.

I'm hypnotized, poisoned and mesmerized. I need an antidote. And i realized, i'm addicted to you.

My Only Wish

This is my only wish. and this wish is just too impossible. i want to let my eyes open. i want to let my soul free. i want to feel something excited new and refreshing. i want to smile everyday. these things seem impossible with school work, piano and etc. but i always dream that i can go out and let everything be free. and i want to do those things with a person that i dear the most, which is you. Let me go with you. Let me escape with you. Let me fly with you, to the fantasy cause i hate reality.

About My Relationship

Hey pals, guess what? All i can say is OMG and STFU. i came to school, people were kinda like staring at me.one of my friend said 'bego lo, bego lo, bego lo!' the other says, 'congrats.' other people said 'hey, Bella Cullen.' I freaked out, cry and laugh so hard. people call me Bella Cullen because Khalid is a big fan of Twilight. and he call him self Khalid Cullen. People came to my class, which is 8B, and said, 'ooh, that's Rizka." in my mind i said, what the fuck is going on?! yeah, yeah, i date a gay that's the problem.. well, but NOW, he is NOT gay, hello, people, can u stop mocking him and just go to hell??in the morning, i dont even dare to go out since people know that i date the most famous gay, which is khalid. but he IS NOT..

Highlited Conversation:

Me: hey, do you know that Jose is half dutch?

(my bestfriend) : oh, and khalid's half gay

me: T_T

Me: Khalid's a kind and sweet guy

my best friend: he got pimples and zits all over his face.

me: T_T

my best friend: well, at least he's rich..

me: i'm not a materialistic girl T_T

my best friend: UR DATING A GAY, HELLO, UR DATING A GAY

me: T_T

*no offence khalid, my best friend sucks T_T sometimes

My Best Friday the 13th

People say that Friday the 13th is a bad day, it's a bad luck for people. but that bad luck doesn't apply to me! :D on that day, i got a BF, he's a good guy c: my best friends know that,so are my friends at school. they are shock to death, when they know that news. i was amazingly happy! finally i can forget the jerks..! ;D the news spread on twitter in a speed of light. people are really confused with our relationship. he (my bf) was often called gay by peple at school, but he's not! (Y)! i'm happy ;)

*no offense to anyone that's included in this post, peaceee ;D

Reality

we as a human, we do make mistakes. and we learn from it. we fall, we get up, and try not to fall. we, humans, we do know what's bad and good. but the challenge is, how to avoid bad actions or bad manners. because we humans, are sometimes, or even most of the times are tempted by obssesion, glory and luxury that we forgot if that luxury was given by our Lord, our mighty God. as we grow bigger, the bigger challenges will occur. we grow up and live our lives, we face challenges and learn things step by step. there are times that we, humans made a mistake and feel like we're dying. all we can do is to reflect ourselves. how many mistakes have we made, how many times we don't obey our parents, how many times we ignore our Lord. there's always tomorrow. there's always a person that can lend you a shoulder. so do your best, in living your life. we only have 1 life to live on. mistakes are things that we always have to face. because we're in reality.

Thirsty

all of these days, I've been wondering... to do, to feel, to see something new. i feel thirsty, i feel a thirst of boredom in my soul, doing the usual things all over again. never had a chance to open my eyes and discover things in the world that i have never seen yet. will there be someone who's willing to lend a hand for me to open my eyes and move my feet? i wonder. i feel like i want to fly and dance in the sky with the angels. with a peaceful melody that accompany me dancing. but i know, that's impossible.

him 2

this happened like 3 days ago, but i just post it now. in my desk. i open Facebook. i saw 'his' newest uploaded pictures. when i saw click it. i saw 'him' smiling, standing and stuffs. those pics remind me of us. i saw 'him' with a cigarette, 'he' didn't smoke, it's just for fun. 'he' is the thing that i most wanted. the thing that can't be granted easily.i like him all these time. forgetting and having him is the thing that i most wanted. i saw his pictures i shed a tear. it reminds me of how we used to be, how we used to play together, how we used to play 'fox hunting' or something like that. acting like idiots running around the class. without hesitation we can play, have fun, smile together and do things together. and it hurts a lot that now i have to pass my days at school without him. this is something that i have never felt before. it's something that,... i can't explain by words. seeing those pictures, my mouth shut, i shed a tear and both of my eyes were staring those pictures thoroughly. seems like, long the time goes and how long the distance is between me and him i think this feeling stays still strongly.

Fiction Story 1 (him)

watching him from the distance is all i can do in these past 2 years. he has the most beautiful blue eyes. and his blonde hair is as soft as a cotton. i don't know much about him. but i can see deep pain from the look from his eyes.he rarely smile, he often cries.

getting near him is the thing that i can never do. even in my wildest imagination, i can't do that. and all i do is watching him from a distance. my curiosity is getting larger. he is the only guy that attracts me the most. one at a time, i follow him secretly to his home after the school bell rang.

i step slowly so he wouldn't notice if there was someone stalking at him. i took a deep breath. i heard a sound. what do you want? you don't have to hide, i won;t harm you. i was really shock. we walked and talked. i understand now, he feels too much pain in his age. he's depressed. and i'm, going to wipe those pain for him.and i'm going to stay beside him on guard forever. and now, we started dating.

Start A New Page

in my new school, i'm trying to start a new whole blank page to fill. and the word 'him' shouldn't exist in my page. my memories with him, my pain, the smile that we share together, the dictionary that we share during English class everything that might cause me pain in the future shall be gone. but that's a task with an extreme difficulty level. forgetting him is just too hard. and i'm thinking just how to bare the pain of not seeing 'him' that i dear the most.

now, every morning i went to school, he will not be there. and i just wanted to put this in mind every time that he is not there. so, we can't share dictionary during english class, we can't play around like idiots, we can't do things together now like we did before. i shall forget about him, even if it costs pain. and i'm thinking, to find a new love.

i saw a guy and i like him, but it doesn't last long, he's not like 'him' that i dear the most. Japanese guy, don't like him anymore. and then i saw this guy not really good-looking in fact he's a bad-looking guy. and i fall for him for quite a long time. and i just have to face the fact that he's a jerk. well, he's not special anyway .

there are lot of things that i dislike in my new school. teachers come first. and second the people. and i just don't like the school and it rules. but the friends are friendly . there are no bullying. but still, in the morning i have to drag myself going to school. and in my mind is shit shit shit shit. that's it no matter where i go, complains always come out from my mouth. and now i'm grade 8, i don't expect anything great.

Me & Him

i have always know that regrets come last. and sometimes you're stupid that you make the wrong decision.

it was a great day. i rushed to the swing with a laugher and with the guy that i dear the most accompany me playing.i swing the swing as high as possible. i feel like i wanna touch the blue sky. he was there, beside me. and then he suddenly said do you like me? he asked. i was stupid and i answer no that was my biggest regret. and now i'm dying for him,and next time, i swear and have to do better for my sake.

were kinda close, you know he used to touch me with his soft hand, and i just miss his warmth. and i don't think that anyone could do that.i think he can never be replaced.

time flies fast, after we past the school and national examinations i gotta go move on to middle school, for 7th grade. that was the time where i feel pain the most, i cried at night. it really hurts somehow. and i think i have to forget him. 'him' that i dear the most.